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11th-Feb-2010 03:18 pm - Buy this car now!
smudge shelf
Gosh - is it rearlly six months since I posted anything new? I never really did get the hang of LJ.

Oh well, here's a little filler-in for any who've not yet seen it...

http://cdcplay.tidyblog.co.uk/saab-9-5-for-sale/
5th-Oct-2009 07:44 pm - That was the week...
smudge shelf
that nearly wasn't.

Wed - didn't leave for France coz Liz has a meeting for Fri that can't be ducked.
So spend the time arsing about with some bits I've been meanign to do to the Land Rover for a while, adding a few more pages to our main website, and other odds and sods.

Thu - more of the same really. Nearly finish LR proj but find even more tools I don't have, bits that the "complete kit" doesn't include taht I need, etc.

Fri - finish LR proj. Quick trip to client who's moving in to a new house to pre-program her router for when her new DSL goes live next week turns into three hour session for assorted reasons but now done. Arrive home 3pm to find Liz back an hour early whinging that the LR isn't loaded. Point to pile of stuff ready to load and demonstrate it can be loaded in ten mins flat. Leave house at 4pm sharp as planned. Trip to Folkstone - arrival window defined by Shuttle booking as six to ten - expect to be there soon after six, in fact get there at a hair after the 1920 train has closed so sit around and get the 1950. Drive until just before 1am which puts is in Chartres - actually I *like* driving at night in france, the motorways are practiaclly deserted and for some reason I can stay awake and alert for ages which doesn't necessarily apply when driving during the day - no,I don't understand it either, but during the day Liz and I trade seats every three hours or so...

Sat - arrive in Issoire around 13:00 so hit the cafe in the supermarket and then phone the people who've invited themselves to Sunady lunch to find otu how many of them are coming and what they're bringing. Fill in resulting blanks with purchases and head for house.

Sat pm - arrive at house at 15:30 just before the folks who are delivering our new trees. Spend pleasant evening with them in garden and restaurant. About this time realise DSL router is total toast. Dead. Pining for the etc... Collapse.

Sun am - can't lie in - tree-folk are leaving at 10:00 - prolonged summmer means they have to rush back to nursery and water stuff. Feed them b'fast, plant trees, see them off, sit down for ten mins - lunch guests start to arrive... it's 4th October - snow on some highe rground woul dnot haev surprised anyone. Daytime temps of 24 degrees, and the pool still usable (if a tad on the brisk side!) has us all gobsmacked. Lots of BBQ beer wine and chat ensue until around 22:00, when we gracefully admit defeat in a game of scrabbled played in French (using english letter distribs) and we crash out.

Mon - get up, clear pu after BBQ (not that hard actually, lots of folk took home the pots they brougth salads (etc) in and had all brought plates in so we just loaded dishwasher and did a few handwash pots. Brekky. Beetle up to neighbours to return spade and check the Home Plugs and WiFi APs we had sent them were working. Then use their link to try to on-line shop for new DSL router. NOt easy - tehre's no frech "Google Shopping" and on top of that 99% of french ISPs are telcos and supply a DSL/TV/PhoneATA unit with teh service, so most of the shops only stock stuff to connect TO your Livebox (et al) not *instead* of it. Darty finally mange to find us a Belkin DSL/"N" router for (far too much). But it's doing the job.

Home in time ot watch the sun set - still 22 degrees out there. At least two more days the same are promisied. Hand-watering of new trees therefore indicated. But pool STILL usable a week into October - unheard of!!!

Sadly, we're *already* starting to plan the winter close-down of pool and house as we have to leave on Sat/Sun, Liz's work again... but we're back on 28th Dec for NY this year - yay!!
30th-Aug-2009 08:04 pm - Lord Of The Rings
smudge shelf
An elderly, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more 'special'."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "The bank called. There's no money in that account," he said.

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"
26th-Aug-2009 01:46 pm(no subject)
Kitten tissue
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
22nd-Jul-2009 09:07 pm - MeYOW
smudge shelf
Is it my imagination or is

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2009/07/22/funny-pictures-food-i-luv-you/

a Really Big cat?
25th-Jun-2009 09:54 pm - Year of the Horse Fly
smudge shelf
Argh!

Usually, each summer, there's a horse fly around the pool. It tries to eat bits of us, we try to swat it. It usually manages to get in a nip or two, then we swat it and taht's it. Couple of weeks later, another ones comes along...

Today I declared war. I spent an hour in the pool doing nothing but swat horse flies.

I got TWELVE of the buggers.

On the upside, I had to stop, there were no more players. Maybe that'll be it for a day or two...
8th-Jun-2009 06:41 pm - Showing hands.
smudge shelf
Sunady evening saw off a very nice pizza at Pizza Express in amersham followed by an evening with Show of Hands at the Elgiva.

Top notch.

(SoH forthcomign album should be well up to standard, BTW< if the new stuff they mostly sung to us is to judge by.)
8th-Jun-2009 01:19 pm - Advertising.
smudge shelf
You're a Large Company. You want to keep selling Stuff despite the fact that the Credit Crunch (TM) is supposed to mean no-one wants to buy anything.

So you check down the back of the sofa, smash a piggy bank, and tap your granny for a few quid, and scrape together a few million quid, and have a Big Telly Advert. You spend many squid on the filming of the ad then many more on the peak time ad spots.

Then what?

Well, if you're Land Rover, you've invested in the call centre and response people to handle calls, emails, texts, and people pressing the red button on their Sky box, you send them out an info pack, you tell them your local dealer will be in touch. And then you do something to piss off your local daeler (perhaps - just guessing - you advertise a HUGE discount on new cars, then expect the dealers to put up that discount from their cut, so that they would rather concentrate on their stock of used cars than sell a new one) and they never call your new potential customers back.

And if you're Unilever you spend millions advertising a nwe edition of your popular Magnum ice-cream range, you get customers REALLY eager to try a Magnum with bts of chocolate browne embeded in it... and you don't bother to send any to the shops. OK - granted this may have been that the shiops didn't *order* any, but if I was spending that much on a product launch, I'd damn well put some of the cash towards making SURE the retailers stock the product, be it a price incentive, a retailer ad-campaign, or just sending the boys around to install the stock in the fridges...
25th-May-2009 02:19 pm - Warning!
Kitten tissue
IF you really had bad puns, then I have to warn you, if you find you're watching a telly advert where a "rodeo" cowboy is riding a giant grouse, under NO circumstances should you wait for the punchline...
26th-Apr-2009 09:22 pm - Icky!!! :-(
Our french view
Have a shelf or two of books here in France left for visitors. Seeded the shelf with dupes and smiilar, nothing we'd miss, so we don't mind if someone gets half way through a book and takes it with them - but we like folk to leave another one in its place. And sometimes folk just leave books.

But I draw the line at being used as a method of disposing of a copy of "My Booky Wook"... whoever you are, *you* bought it, *YOU* take it to the tip!!!
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